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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29389482">I'm here</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/husbands/pseuds/husbands'>husbands</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mikey and Nicky (1976)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Confrontation, Gaslighting, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Toxic People, mutual idiotry, yes i hate them yes i love them</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:14:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>769</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29389482</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/husbands/pseuds/husbands</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“it’s the last night of my life, and I’m here loving you.”</p><p>“That’s bullshit.”</p><p>“Which part?”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mikey Mittner/Nicky Godalin, Mikey/Nicky</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'm here</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Takes place just after they've had their big fight on the street.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“It’s the last night of my life, and I’m here loving you.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s bullshit.”</p><p> </p><p>“Which part?”</p><p> </p><p>Mikey paused. “Look, why would you tell me that now? After you beat me up you’re gonna give me that crap?”</p><p> </p><p>“What’s the difference?” Nicky looked at him from under his curved eyebrows.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck it.” Mikey grabbed his coat and started walking, a hurried step.  </p><p> </p><p>“Mikey, I love you. Mikey…. Why won’t you listen to me?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m listening, alright!”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you love me?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Of course I love you, you fucking prick. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Mikey kept walking. Nicky followed.</p><p> </p><p>“Mikey, please. I was just asking a question. It’s not that hard, is it?”</p><p> </p><p>Promptly Mikey turned around in anger.</p><p> </p><p>“Not that hard? Do you even hear yourself?” He bolted towards Nicky, getting right in front of him, his breath making little clouds in the cold sky that touched Nicky’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“I spent years… YEARS taking care of you, taking care of all your problems, worrying about you, making you feel loved, because I DID, you son-of-a-bitch- I loved you so much I couldn’t even see you didn’t give a shit about me all that time. I never got anything back from you, maybe a few words, that’s it. I give you everything – I even come see you in the middle of the night when we haven’t had a decent conversation in months. And now you have the <em>audacity </em>to ask me if I love you?” Mikey stopped to catch his breath, his eyes big and burning with unsaid things. Nicky blinked, for once not sure what to say.</p><p> </p><p>“I… I’m sorry, Mikey, I didn’t mean it that way. You know I get anxious, I just wanted to hear you say it.”</p><p> </p><p>Mikey scoffed in disbelief. “The same story, over and over again. You always <em>want </em>things from me, when is it ever enough, huh? What more can I do, get on my knees and propose to you? <em>What do you want, Nicky?”</em></p><p> </p><p>“I want you to tell me you love me.”</p><p> </p><p>Mikey let a deep breath out and let his head hang as he put his hands on his hips. He shook his head – he didn’t know if it was an answer or simply an expression of hopelessness, or both. He could feel years of built up feelings come to the surface, but instead of getting even angrier he just sighed deeply as he fought to keep it all inside.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t give you what you want if you keep throwing it away and forgetting it like it’s nothing,” he said, softly now, avoiding Nick’s gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“When have I ever-” Nicky automatically defended before Mikey aggressively raised his head towards him again. “Okay, I won’t, I promise! I’ll take you seriously. Please, Mikey, I just don’t always know when to take things seriously.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Don’t give me that, I don’t wanna hear any more excuses. You know what, fuck it, you’re doing it again. I’m going. I’m going!”</p><p> </p><p>Mikey swallowed hard and turned away to leave again, but something kept him locked in his place. For a moment there he’d been willing to give his friend the benefit of the doubt, like he’d done for so many years, and he knew that they always got into this toxic cycle of love and mistrust and love and mistrust, etcetera and he’d be back before he knew it and every time it got worth it just a little less than the time before, but God, maybe it could still be worth it. Dammit, why did he have to be such an optimist? He wouldn’t be having all this trouble if he’d been just a little more of a pessimis-</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly there were arms being wrapped around him, interrupting his thoughts. Nicky had dropped his stuff on the ground and had come closer to embrace him. “Mikey? What are you thinking about? Hey, you’re all paralyzed. Are you cold?”</p><p> </p><p>Mikey couldn’t find an answer. The whole situation was too absurd to even correspond with any thoughts or feelings he knew the name of. Without a second thought he let his head rest against Nicky’s familiar shoulder, immediately finding comfort in the one thing he recognized. He absorbed his warmth for a second, let himself feel held by Nicky’s strong arms and let himself revel in the touch of his big hands on his back and running through his hair. He knew it was a lie he was telling himself, but at least it was a lie that he knew through and through, one that felt like home.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m right here, Mikey.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know.”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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